Do lives really have meanings? I believe in a life after death, and I believe it to be some what as man portray it, just with out their made up 'god' and scripture. You are probably wondering why I write about this, I dunno ask 'him', 'he who knows all' whoo... That is so full of shit, I hope when I die I go to a place of my choice, or a moment in time when I knew my life was complete, pretty much any time with Nessa.

But thoughts still rub through my mind of another life, one which I can choose to take, but fear holds me back... As much feeling as I can take from my mind, the thought of some people I know in pain of my decision disturbs me to the most... Why does life mean so much when it comes and goes so freely? other things like that cost millions of dollars, why can't a life? And why does mine have to matter to anyone? Sometimes I jsut want to be invisible watch the world pass me by as I wither away in eternity letting myself go in the fate of nothingness... Let those who have no idea what I mean live a prosperous life, for the others welcome to the universe of a lost soul...

Man love is fun haha... Nessa is like more sick, but feeling better?!?!!?!? Tell me how that works haha, really I am sad she is sick but I am real happy she is in a better mood. Classes are all going good, except for damn AP Bio. I can't understand most of the stuff we do, and when I do the next day it is all gone, just to much ot retain I hate being dumb. Guess college is getting farther and farther away, if I don't go my family will like decapitate me, except my mom she is one of the only who understand how I work sadly enough.

I have had no work for almost a week... And I have to work a Friday night, I am going to like fall over dead from lack of practice haha, and they need to put me on salads dammit dishes can like die!!!!!!!! AHHRRGG... Excuse my slight moment of rage lol, we all need some. I have been very sad lately at night, I know not why... It is as though when I am not around anyone I feel so distant and alone like I did back when I was like 12. I know I have Nessa to love, but it is weird... Maybe I am afraid of loss, or hurting her... I just think of so many things, and Nessa you are not the cause of any of it, it is my mentally disturbed mind. I love you so much, and I am El Poueo Loco!!!! HAHA I have no clue if I spelled that right if I didn't and anyone reads give me a clue I am a German kid haha. OK I think I need some sleep, good luck to my friends up in college and congrats Chris on Mari, likewise with you Mari, about time he came around huh?!?!?! PS Katie stay strong and know you always have a friend in me... And of course I love you Nessa! :) and I am a goober what you gonna do about it?!?! huh huh huh!!! haha, love you babygirl. nighty night all

Hello, everyone who reads... which aren't very many but that is all good. I am currently at Daniels bored off my ass lol... but what d oyou expect it's like 1:30 AM, not to much to do. He has gone to bed and I am to, not tired to sleep, thus I am here. Had a ggod day after 5, because no one was anywhere to be found... except me because I had nothing to do... I have no life except for Nessa, love you. When I came over here, we played some DDR for a while... I am getting rather good I must say *pats myself on back* :P Then I ordered some pizza for dinner again, that was good, but I didn't get any cinasticks!!!! GRRRRR!!!! haha, but oh well. After that we chilled and watched some Whose Line... And we got bored so we went and jumped on the trampeline, that was so much fun!!!!!! AHHHHH I hadn't been on one in years lol. That was fun, then we found a very hard cedar window shutter like thingy, tried to break it. We tried kicking, did not work... then we tried punching it, I got a couple good ones in and ended up making my pinky knuckle bleed :( but it's all good... Then Daniel hit it ones and it split down the middle, and we both had a half to kick... neither could, and my knuckle was bleeding rather perfously at this time so we came in and I washed it and poored peroxide on it OUCH!!!!!! It looked like mold was growing on my hand lol. Then we talked about some martial arts, he tried to show me some stuff, it's all real cool, I want to learn more. He showed me his collection of daggers, swords, stars, and mangas lol... All of which I found very intreguing, I really want his swords especially that 38lb beast!!!! That thing was gimungous I swear haha. But besides that, nothing else lol...

I love you Nessa, you is my babygirl lol. Don't you forget it, I am trying to be better for you... It will happen some day, I just hope sooner than later. Night to all who read.

People need to learn to answer their phones....

I love you nessa!!!

To those whom deserve the utmost respect of shit: you know who you are, you know you need to shut your fucking lying face up... say what you will, it makes no matter you cannot break me (us) down. I right now despise a few people, with the deepest most satanic darkness of passions in which lucifer himself could not harnest the energy to wield...

To those who deserve the utmost respect of a love, and best friend anyone could ever ask for in the universe: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH NESSA!!! never forget that for I know I will not... even if things get out, of any sorts... sometimes I know I will fuck up and yet again I am so sorry for it, but I know when to be stupid and not, mostly lol. But seriously, I know people influence easier than thought please  just let that all go... I don't want you tot hink of anything bad that could happen to us... if it be my fault or yours, I just want us to be happy and love eachother, I would hate to lose something I hold so dear to me. And you know I hold very little that close... Your trust is as easily broken as mine, as frail as a porcalin doll... (haha sorry, i like my analogy) so I can understand how anything can trigger fear of loss or deception, all I can say is remember I love you, and dread the thought of hurting you. I leave you with loving and charishing thoughts only I could give because, well hey I am me haha,  pleasent dreams to all who read... If I know you think of yourself as special because, like I said, I am me moo haha lol... :P farewell all, let us hope it is not the last...